Why Women and Men Cannot Love Each Other (Yet)

Abstract

In a heteronormative society, men and women are typically expected to look not for authentic love, but simply a partner of the opposite gender. This compulsory heterosexuality, as explained by Adrienne Rich, and the resultantly tainted love story problematize views about love like Berit Brogaard’s “appraisal respect”. I take Brogaard to give an apt account of what we should want authentic love to be, one in which we are said to love another when we properly evaluate their role as a lovable lover. However, because loving another and evaluating their lovability are not the goals of love as it stands, heterosexual men and women cannot be said to love in the way Brogaard rightly champions. Authentic love is then something most do not generally experience, but all (who are interested in engaging in romantic love) ought to strive for. I ultimately claim that developing respect for ourselves, our peers, our same-sex relationships, and love itself are the best ways for us to make authentic love widely accessible.